What the F?!?

Most everyone I know sleeps with their baby in the bed but, despite the King Size of ours, I’m kinda scared about the abuse the baby may receive. Dad can be down for 9-10 hours in a row and have the most efficient, lovely beauty sleeps – but as for what mom may feel lying next to him….that’s another story.

First, he talks in his sleep. Enough to wake you up and perk up your ears for interesting details…but it’s mostly inanities and a few lines here and there that give no real-world clues or insights. Next, he’s a blanket stealer. If I get to cover half of my body vertically with just the sheet I consider it lucky. And indeed, lucky we live Hawaii or I’d be freezing my tokhes (tush) off.

This morning though he stole my pillow – that was the last straw! He already has two of his own mind you, but he stole my king sized, which is the closest thing I have to a body pillow – and is absolutely required for any decent maternity rest in these final weeks. I awoke, panicked, looking for it, and there he was nuzzled in a big ball of sheet, blanket and pillows – as if he was pregnant. I slid my big pillow out from under him, so I could try to fall back asleep (if writing this at 4 am is any sign of how well that worked out), and his response was to yell “What the F*ck!”. Yes, sir, what the F*CK already!

I haven’t even touched on the elbow to the face move which unbelievably has not yet produced a black eye but obviously the baby will have to sleep on the outside of me where I can better protect him. Now if we could only afford a co-sleeper so I could really keep him safe.

p.s. I finally went back for a couple xtra hours of sleep early AM and awoke to a very realistic dream – where I was massaging my guy’s legs and feet because they were sore! Can you imagine? I’ve gotten one foot rub every month or two during this pregnancy (that usually lasts a distracted minute — and yes, gets filed under the ‘why bother’ category) and here I am, working my arse off in my sleep rubbing him because HE is sore! Oy vey!!!!